Day 1 - Heart Attack

I was in the office when I got a call from my Dad's colleague at around 10.30am. One of them had found him slumped on his chair at his desk. He was already not breathing. They called an ambulance and also got a doctor to do CPR on him in the meantime. But all the efforts to revive him were futile. Nobody knows how long he had been slumped at his chair. It was a case of D.O.A (Dead on Arrival) when they brought him to the Singapore General Hospital.

TT & I were on the way to SGH when his colleague called me again to inform me that he could not be revived. I was already mentally prepared for the news because when I was first informed, the situation didn't sound good at all. I broke the news to my sister who was also pretty shocked.

At SGH I identified my dad's body and they returned his belongings to me. Soon after, my sis also came with Oli to view the body. My mum took the news quite cooly and said she did not wish to see the body. She told us to decide and handle the funeral arrangements. Because nobody saw how my father died, it was what they call a "coroner's case". They could not release my dad's body to us yet. Instead it would be transferred to the morgue (Centre of Forensic Medicine ) and the police's Investigating Officer (IO) would be contacting us soon.
The Officer requested that we try to bring along dad's medical records and medication the next day when claiming the body at the morgue. With evidence of an existing medical history, an autopsy may be avoided, and this would expedite the release of the body.

After a lunch of our favourite chicken rice near my sis' place, we went to my dad's place and managed to find the medication he was currently taking. We also took a full set of clothes, including his suit, socks and shoes. We would need to come back another day to bring the rest of his stuff back.

After some discussion, we decided to hold his wake at the Singapore Casket at Lavender Street instead of the church at St. Mary's which is at Bukit Batok. Although it would be more straightforward to have everything held at the church, we decided that it would be more convenient for visitors to visit the wake at a more central location. We also had to get a priest and arrange the time for the funeral mass which we decided to hold on Monday. We also discussed what should be printed on the obituary which would appear on Sunday instead of Saturday, since we do not yet have the death cert.

As you read my account, it isn't apparent how much transpired as we decided on the various arrangements. It wasn't as simple as we thought. Relatives tried to pressure us to hold the funeral on Tuesday as Monday was the fourth day and apparently "pantang" (inauspicious) for the Chinese. Although we respected their views, we felt it was superstitious since we are christians anyway. So we stood our ground. What should or should not be put in the coffin to be incinerated was another minor issue. Whether or not my dad's ashes were to be scattered at sea or be put in a columbarium also became a major bone of contention. My dad had expressed to some, including my mum (but not to me), that he wanted his ashes to be thrown in the sea. However because of my dad's easy-going personality, nobody could ascertain whether he was saying this out of jest or really serious about it. For the record, at this point in time on Saturday, my sis & I wanted to scatter him at sea. But there were violent objections from my aunt (dad's elder and only surviving sister), as well as my cousins.

That night, despite being exhuasted, I tossed and turned in bed. The reality of my dad's death had not yet sunk in and I had so many things on my mind.

My Dad

My late Dad and my Mum have been separated for more than 10 years. For as long as I can remember, their relationship had never been really good. He was never physically abusive or anything, but I've always felt he was not quite cut out for parenthood. Although he did look after me & my sis as children, most of the responsibility fell on our mum. Anyway, when they finally parted ways, I was already grown up and started working. The separation was not really a traumatic experience for me because we weren't that close as father and daughter. After that we still kept in touch and met up occasionally.

When the grandchildren came along, he visited us more frequently, sometimes bringing the kids out and giving them treats. Occasionally he would invite all of us for dinner, including my mum. But my sis & I know and understand why my mum would never be reconciled with him.

Dad was a sportsman, playing soccer and tennis when he was younger, and subsequently golf as he got older. He occasionally played golf with my brother-in-law (my sis' hubby). He was very fit and active and continued to work as a cleaning supervisor till the day he died. At work he was efficient and meticulous. He didn't do the cleaning himself, but oversaw the cleaners and maintenance in various commercial buildings. He had a history of high blood pressure and hypertension and was taking medication for it. From what we saw and gathered from friends, he was extremely careful with his diet. The last thing people who knew him expected was for him to die from a heart attack.

Dad was, as my sis & I say, a free spirit. He couldn't be tied down. He was a well-liked, jovial, happy-go-lucky guy, often called a joker by his friends and colleagues. On the day he died, I discovered that he had planned to go to JB with some friends for dinner! His death was totally unexpected.